Recently, I read an old interview of Pierre Soulages where he says “c’est ce que je fais qui m’apprend ce que je cherche”/ “it is what I do that teaches me what I’m searching”. Everything is said in that simple sentence, so simple and brilliant.
Last Tuesday I treated myself with a little bouquet and usually when it’s a little one, I disconstruct it to make it my own; eventually, at a certain point, this happens too with big bouquets. Green leaves usually go into a separate vase, I like it as pure as possible and when I photograph I always choose one specific flower and I photograph it and photograph, photograph, photograph. You know that by now, I love getting closer and closer. But this time, I thought, let’s try it. Carole, let’s try to go out of your comfort zone, today you are photographing an entire bouquet. Oh oh oh…
Well, I tried. Oh yes, I tried. Trust me, in every possible angle and position, standing, on the ground, half standing (very good to work on my abs btw); with different backgrounds, dark, light… Result was just awful. Really, a catastrophe. So I thought, what about half a bouquet? Half a bouquet with all that messy green leaves is already well, huge! It went better and ideas started to pop up in my mind. While my breathing was erratic while I tried to shoot the entire bouquet, it actually became calmer the more I followed my ideas and yes, the more I came closer.
What happened next was probably a sort of black out in my head or an immense moment of denial that I was on a mission to go out of my comfort zone, because I got lost and kept photographing closer and closer. In my defence, all flowers stayed IN the vase, messy green leaves included.
Without any doubt I failed at my mission, I did not succeed to shoot that little cute bouquet entirely. I got frustrated and insecure, I sweated and grumbled and yes I had to let go a couple of “AARRGGGGHHHHH” but at the end of the day (and it was actually the end of the day) I realised one thing. Who cares? Why am I pushing constantly myself in everything that I do?
Finally, I ended up trying to fix with my camera the tiny pistil of the tiniest cutest flower of the entire bouquet. And guess what, it felt oh so good 🙂
“C’est ce que je fais qui m’apprend ce que je cherche.” P.Soulages
Have a beautiful weekend and take care.